Almost Lover
by jynxedHijinks
Summary: Goodbye, my almost lover. Goodbye, my hopeless dreams. Songfic of Almost lover by A Fine Frenzy


_Your finger tips across my skin_

They were far warmer than the sun on our skins or the quickened beats in my chest. I never grew tired of the rough feeling but the affectionate manner in which they stroked my cheek in the dieing sunset. You looked so beautiful that day.

_The palm trees swayin' in the wind_

The picturesque beach was our paradise that day. Away from everything. I felt like we were the only two beings on this earth; or in our case, the only two nations within a two thousand mile radius. It was paradise, where you took me.. Crystal clear blue waters, an abundance of wildlife and the green palm fronds gently moving in the light but warm breeze. You said you had never seen me so peaceful. And..

You were right.

And I never will be again.

_Images.._

Fleeting across my eyes like a slide-show moving at warp speed. It made me dizzy, sick.. I wanted to vomit where I sat and I would have, if I wasn't so wrapped up in making a sissy of myself, crying on my brother's chest. The images of falsity, lies, cruel torture.. The images of our love.

_You sang me Spanish lullabies_

That's what hurts most sometimes. Even though I detested your language for decades; threw tantrums whenever you held language lessons or even made dinner with Spanish names in them.. You.. You sang to me. In that beautiful, Alto voice. That voice.. It would make the Vaticano back in Roma a million different shades of jealous. On those warm summer nights when the thunder was just rolling in and I was staring up at you with wide, tearful eyes you would sing those Spanish lullabies to me. Always slow and soft as you stroked my hair until I fell fast asleep.

You still sang those to me, whenever I was upset or pissed; even if it was at you. Sometimes I would hum along, having heard them for many a year beforehand. Those songs, they sang the harmony to our love.

_The sweetest sadness in your eyes_

As of recent I never understood why you always looked so depressed after we made love or after one of our at home date nights. The sadness had been there for a while but you always played it off as fatigue or "My little Roma is so grown!". I never knew the real reason. Well, I almost never knew.. That you..

_Clever trick_

You played me like your guitar for how many years I can't imagine.

_Well, I never want to see you unhappy._

After all those years of you coming home from a failed conquest the thought of you being hurt or upset simply killed me. Bloodied, weak and disappointment written all over you changed me. For that moment and days after I cared for you, physically and mentally. That was the first time our "I love you's" were exchanged..

_I thought you'd want the same for me.._

Why, why, why? After so long, after all that we had been through together.. You were the one person I trusted to hold my heart and keep it safe, and never let anyone destroy it's fragility.

How wrong I was.

How stupid, wrong and sad I was.

The tears don't wash away the pain like I hope they would.

_Goodbye, my almost lover_

_Goodbye, my hopeless dream_

To think.. I almost asked you the question. It's true.. I had walked into the jewelry store on a whim and stared at all the glistening rings in the glass case they were in. They were pricey, but I had saved money and pennies for a few months for this particular reason. Feliciano had tried to tell me I was silly, wanting a union with you after the years of me degrading you and calling you playground names. But I pushed his thoughts away and bought the gold band. I even payed extra for him to engrave your name on it.. The jeweler must have been annoyed, since I made the request for the O's to be replaced with little tomatoes, but I would have payed anything for it to be done. I had been waiting for out anniversary to pop open the little black box and take you by surprise. But.. we never made it that far, did we?

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Can't you just let me be?_

"Can't you just let me be?" I feel all sorts of insane as I talk to our old photos. Feliciano suggested it would be a good idea to get rid of any memorabilia of you or us as a couple. Like a fool I took his advice and started with the shoebox of pictures we had. I should have just taped the sides and tossed it into the trashbin.. But I was too stupid to even do that. After a good three year's worth of memories I broke down and clutched the one of us on our first Valentine's day together to my chest. After all that you had done to me, I still couldn't bring myself to hate you.

_So long my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

_Should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do_

Many nations had warned me over the years, but I had learned to tune them out. Blow off whatever they were trying to drill into my head. Ignoring people is what I usually did best. You were a nation famous for love and scandalous rendezvous'. But I held you a higher standard then those stereotypes. I thought I had you all figured out.

_We walked along a crowded street_

_You took my hand and danced with me_

I couldn't help it, after all, it was carnival! Fun and the feeling of being carefree saturated the midnight air and we were positively drunk off of it. I wasn't a complete prude, in fact, I was singing to the whimsical street performers music; giggling and laughing alongside you. You, being.. Well; you, grabbed my hand and led me to the middle of the crowded road and began dancing. To what song, I couldn't say. We were joyous and romping with excitement to a dance with no beat or coordination at all.

_Images.._

Someone had taken a photo of us and gladly gave us a copy. I was reluctant to keep it but you had begged and pleaded like a kicked puppy so I gave in. You put it in a festive frame and stuck it on the mantle. You were elated to have it and even though I never said it.. So was I. Now I stare at it in disgust. Well, I used too. I burned it in the fireplace last week along with that ridiculous frame.

_And when you left you kissed my lips_

_You told me you would never forget these images_

Screaming and thrashing, I punched you weakly and forced you outside. I spat in your face, brought up your false promises and cried til it was difficult to even see. You never uttered a word until I was nothing but a sobbing mess in the doorway. In my haze, you took my chin between your thumb and finger and placed one of those all too familiar kisses on my lips. You even muttered a thank you for the best memories of his life, for letting him love me. I was and still and dumbfounded. After all you had done to me, after all the pain you caused.. You thanked me?

_No.._

_Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy_

_I thought you'd want the same for me_

You vanished, without a trace. I was still crying when you left. Still screaming why.

Why have you done this to me?

_Goodbye, my almost lover_

_Goodbye, my hopeless dreams_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Why can't you just let me be?_

_So long, my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

_Should've known you bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do.._

_I cannot go to the ocean_

_I cannot drive the oceans at night_

_I cannot wake up in the morning_

_Without you on my mind_

_So you're gone and I'm haunted_

_I bet you are just fine_

_Did I make it that easy to walk in and out of my life?_

I know I'm cruel. I know I'm mean, spiteful, rude, difficult and a pain but.. You had still said it, those three words. I had believed you, trusted you with everything. My silly fears, my hopes and dreams. My guard was let down. You led me to believe that not everyone hated me in this world, not everyone was going to abandon me or wish for someone better. Was there something you weren't telling me? Why I wasn't good enough for you or.. why I never satisfied you? I almost never showed my love outwardly but mark my word, I felt it. My heart swelled at every little actions of yours. The words of appreciation always on the tip of my tongue but my voice always choked when I went to say it. I was always envious of you. The life of the party.. Hell, the life of our relationship. Spontaneous, fun, likeable. Willing to give the shirt off of your back to a guy who just robbed you blind. I was never like that, years of broken hearts hardened me. You broke the stone that surrounded my heart and warmed it with your affection.

Well.

Trust me now when I say no one is ever going to love me again, I'll make sure of it. No wants me now anyways.

Cazzo

Did you ever want me or was I another notch in your belt?

You still won't tell me anything.

So the thoughts run freely through my mind.

And they've convinced me..

I'm wearing that ring tonight.

_Goodbye, my almost lover_

_Goodbye, my hopeless dreams_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Why can't you just let me be?_

_So long, my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

_Should've known you bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do.._

Goodbye, Antonio Carriedo

Goodbye, all of my loved ones

I'm trying not to feel the guilt

Why can't it just leave me be?

My backs turned to the railing

Should've known I'd scream out for you

I somehow always do..


End file.
